How To Take A Picture On — A Laptop

Natural light is your only friend. Place your laptop on a table facing a window — but not directly facing it, or you’ll be silhouetted like a witness in a crime documentary. No, you need soft, indirect light. If it is night, you face a tragedy. The built-in laptop light is a cold, blue-white horror that will accentuate every pore, every tired line, every crumb from lunch. In desperation, you will grab a desk lamp and point it at your face. Now you look like a suspect in an interrogation. Congratulations. This is authentic.

Now, find the camera app. On a PC, it’s simply called “Camera.” On a Mac, it’s “Photo Booth” — a name dripping with ironic nostalgia, as if you’re about to step into a boardwalk photo booth from 1999. Open it. Immediately, you will be confronted with your own face, warped by the wide-angle lens and the unforgiving angle of the screen. how to take a picture on a laptop

To take a good picture, you must now adopt a posture that is physically unsustainable. Because the camera is at the top of the screen, looking slightly down at you is a privilege reserved for giants. You, however, must raise your chin without lifting your head. You must lengthen your neck like a turtle straining for a leaf. Your back must be ruler-straight, yet your shoulders relaxed. Hold this pose. Your spine will protest. Your neck will ache. This is the price of not looking like a double-chinned ghost. Smile. The timer begins. Natural light is your only friend